Five Things
I’m not big into New Year’s resolutions. For one, they seem like fads to me, and secondly, it’s way too much pressure to pick a good one within the timeframe. So I’ve been thinking and praying and I’ve come up with FIVE things that I want to dedicate myself to- not fads, not short-term goals, but things that I want to really incorporate into my life.
1.Take a chill pill: this could also be entitled, “stop being a worry wart”, “become less high strung”, “breathe”, or “become more laid back.” I don’t know why but I struggle with overanalyzing, constant thinking, pointless worry, and even over protection. I think part of it is that Bernard isn’t here to sort of balance me out like he does so well, but I think the other part of me will just always struggle with this. I hate Gabbi to see me so stressed out, and I do get so stressed out. I have a short fuse; I hate it when things don’t go as I planned, when people are late, when I forget things. My hope is that I take the time to offer these stresses and triggers over to God “Let go and let God” sounds so easy, but it’s always been a challenge for me.
2.Step out of my comfort zone: this means everything from going to the gym, agreeing to go alone to a get together, opening up to new friends, maybe even taking Gabbi to a nursing home. I’m such a homebody; I love entertaining and I love people, but especially without Bernard here I find myself making excuses to stay home. Nursing homes have been a challenge to me since the passing of my grandmother during the spring break of my senior year. I have the greatest memories of my parents taking my brother and I to serve; work weekend projects like Habitat, participate in the Christmas Basket program at church, serve at a soup kitchen- these are the memories I want Gabbi to have too. To understand that her world is bigger than just us, and that God calls us to love and serve, outside the comfort of our own home.
3.Make time for myself: as selfish as it may sound and as hard as it may be, I think it’s time for me to take time away from Gabbi several times a month. For the sake of my own mental health, and also to expose her to new things, I need to get a sitter, or a mom’s day out program, or go to dinner with a friend, or go shopping alone. Heck, at this rate, I’d be excited to go to the bathroom alone. I love my daughter so much, but right now she is my WHOLE world. It’s not healthy for either of us, and I want to be the best mother and wife I can be. This means making time for myself and once B is back, taking time for just him. He and I have to be the center of our marriage, not Gabbi.
4.Pray more often: I love spending time in prayer, reading the bible, journaling to God, sharing with others, but I can’t tell you the last time I really took time to do this. Even mass sometimes gets overshadowed by hushing Gabbi or worrying about her in the nursery. Taking time alone with God will enable me to be the better mother and wife I desire to be and to help me in distressing, stepping out of my comfort zone and being at peace with me time.
5.Stop judging: this is a sin I am so guilty of recently. In attempt to talk things out and get them off my chest, I find myself gossiping, judging and being unfair. I am even judging myself in unfair ways: comparing myself to other moms, doubting my abilities, and putting myself down. I want to be better at accepting people where they are, not where I want them to be. this means imperfect, broken, rude, lost, needy or even overbearing- I am called to love them all for exactly who they are.
I really want my life to reflect these changes; that may require constant adjusting, making mistakes, falling off the path, and some true accountability partners. If you see me straying from these goals, please help set me straight. And keep me in your prayers, you'll be in mine.
1.Take a chill pill: this could also be entitled, “stop being a worry wart”, “become less high strung”, “breathe”, or “become more laid back.” I don’t know why but I struggle with overanalyzing, constant thinking, pointless worry, and even over protection. I think part of it is that Bernard isn’t here to sort of balance me out like he does so well, but I think the other part of me will just always struggle with this. I hate Gabbi to see me so stressed out, and I do get so stressed out. I have a short fuse; I hate it when things don’t go as I planned, when people are late, when I forget things. My hope is that I take the time to offer these stresses and triggers over to God “Let go and let God” sounds so easy, but it’s always been a challenge for me.
2.Step out of my comfort zone: this means everything from going to the gym, agreeing to go alone to a get together, opening up to new friends, maybe even taking Gabbi to a nursing home. I’m such a homebody; I love entertaining and I love people, but especially without Bernard here I find myself making excuses to stay home. Nursing homes have been a challenge to me since the passing of my grandmother during the spring break of my senior year. I have the greatest memories of my parents taking my brother and I to serve; work weekend projects like Habitat, participate in the Christmas Basket program at church, serve at a soup kitchen- these are the memories I want Gabbi to have too. To understand that her world is bigger than just us, and that God calls us to love and serve, outside the comfort of our own home.
3.Make time for myself: as selfish as it may sound and as hard as it may be, I think it’s time for me to take time away from Gabbi several times a month. For the sake of my own mental health, and also to expose her to new things, I need to get a sitter, or a mom’s day out program, or go to dinner with a friend, or go shopping alone. Heck, at this rate, I’d be excited to go to the bathroom alone. I love my daughter so much, but right now she is my WHOLE world. It’s not healthy for either of us, and I want to be the best mother and wife I can be. This means making time for myself and once B is back, taking time for just him. He and I have to be the center of our marriage, not Gabbi.
4.Pray more often: I love spending time in prayer, reading the bible, journaling to God, sharing with others, but I can’t tell you the last time I really took time to do this. Even mass sometimes gets overshadowed by hushing Gabbi or worrying about her in the nursery. Taking time alone with God will enable me to be the better mother and wife I desire to be and to help me in distressing, stepping out of my comfort zone and being at peace with me time.
5.Stop judging: this is a sin I am so guilty of recently. In attempt to talk things out and get them off my chest, I find myself gossiping, judging and being unfair. I am even judging myself in unfair ways: comparing myself to other moms, doubting my abilities, and putting myself down. I want to be better at accepting people where they are, not where I want them to be. this means imperfect, broken, rude, lost, needy or even overbearing- I am called to love them all for exactly who they are.
I really want my life to reflect these changes; that may require constant adjusting, making mistakes, falling off the path, and some true accountability partners. If you see me straying from these goals, please help set me straight. And keep me in your prayers, you'll be in mine.
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