Searching for a "pew" good men...or even just One

I have really been struggling with whether or not to write this post. But it’s my blog and if it’s weighing on my heart this much, it must need to be written. That being said, this is NOT a passive aggressive attempt to right some wrong; it’s more of a way to write my way through this trial and hear where the Lord wants me to take it from here.

When I found out I was moving to Florida, one of the biggest concerns to me was finding a new church. I grew up at St Philip in Franklin and couldn’t love a church more. I knew that left big shoes to fill and I have tried my best to not compare parishes. My dear friends Holly and Lindsey have a sister who used to live in Brandon and Nativity Catholic Church came highly recommended to us, especially since we had a young child. Within a month of attending Nativity, we had joined the parish and I began singing with the small, close-knit choir at the family mass. Bernard and I loved seeing the same faces every week in the congregation and regularly attended coffee and donuts afterwards in hopes of meeting our church family. We began participating in church events: a family run, Novemberfest, dinners at church, weekly mass, and we decided (after much prayer and budgeting) to send Gabbi to Nativity Catholic School. However, as much as we’ve tried to integrate ourselves into our new church, we still feel like outsiders.

Aside from the three families we have met through the choir, we still know almost no one at this church. I have never had someone approach me after mass to welcome us to the parish or ask if we were new. I did get a phone call welcoming us a few months after we joined, but had no face to match to the caller. I have introduced myself and smiled my way into more conversations than I can count with the familiar faces we see every week, yet no one has returned the gesture.

We absolutely love Gabbi’s school. Her teachers are amazing, the safety and structure of the program is wonderful and we have seen such growth in Gabbi since her start there in August. But Bernard and I are let down. Trying hard to not feel discouraged. It feels like high school. Like a clique. Our church is so well established and so large that there is a very clear lack of communication and welcoming to the new members. Every time we feel like we take one step forward, we’re thrown three steps back. I won’t state specific examples because my intent is not to call anyone out, but I just feel so defeated.

Here is my struggle. I know nothing will change by just complaining. I will never forget something I heard as a young kid in response to someone saying they left the church because of “hypocritical people”: “there’s always room for one more.” So even though I’m still the “newbie” and I feel like I know nothing and like I couldn’t possibly make a difference; even though I feel like I don’t have the time or the resources; even though I’m terrified and frustrated; is it my place to make the changes that I wish to see in my church? Is this struggle and trial a way for God to call me out and try to show me where He wants me? I just don’t know what my next move is supposed to be, but I don’t know how I can possibly stand still any longer…Lord just give me the strength, the foresight and the guidance to work through this test.