One Day at a Time

Daudi Mtoto Nzuri

2012-01-26T13:14:00.004-06:00

When i traveled to Africa back in 2006 I knew it would be life changing, but I underestimated just how much the trip would change me. I worked at an amazing center for street children called Amani where I met some of the most amazing children ever. I worked with on their English, their reading and had the pleasure of playing and eating with them on a daily basis. The stories of these children's lives are heartbreaking, inspirational, and astounding. The Tanzanian people were some of the happiest and most generous people I've ever met. Welcoming us into their homes, their lives, and blessing us with gifts- even if it was the only possession they had to offer. I could talk forever about my trip there and I wish I had some better pictures right now, I'll have to find that disk. But here are a few.

The reason Amani is on my mind again is because of a very special little boy I met named Daudi. Daudi's story is sad. When I went to Africa, I did not specifically have a heart for autistic children, but from day one, Daudi and I had a special connection. I spent time every morning working with him through music, routine and praise. Since I left he has developed and grown so much! I looked into adopting Daudi and unfortunately that is not the Lord's plan for me. But yesterday Amani posted a new picture of Daudi on Facebook and I was able to see his sweet face again. I think about him every day and I miss his sweet smile and his gentle eyes. I am so happy to see he is learning so much and I pray wholeheartedly that I am able to go back to Africa and see him again.

Until then, I have some sweet pictures, some wonderful memories and a huge place in my heart for that little guy. Daudi will always be mtoto yangu...

Daudi 2006

Daudi 2012

Felt Flower Tutorial

2012-01-21T15:46:00.007-06:00

Felt Flowers! (4 types)
This one's pretty boring....
#1:
Cut out lots of circles

Glue together and add button.

Ok this is the big pretty flower from yesterday. Really easy.
#2: Cut out 6 of these.

Keep one flat, and then start folding the others in half....

and in half again...

then start gluing them to the first, flat flower shape...

one at a time (you may need to add a dot of hot glue in each "petal")

this is how it will look without the center one...

then i add the last one in the center.

then I attached it to a headband:

Felt flower tutorial #3,4:

Cut a 1-2in wide strip of felt...the length with determine the size of your flower.

Fold the felt in half
cut tiny slits all the way down

then roll up the strip from one end to the other

the end product will look like this (I added a felt leaf too)

I made this flower yesterday for my wreath by cutting two different size petals out of two different colored pieces of felt. I then glued the petals onto a round piece of felt that served as a back. I also used a "back" for the above flower.

Fabulous Friday

2012-01-20T19:16:00.004-06:00

Today was a Fabulous Friday. Gabbi and Brent woke up in wonderful moods, Gabbi dressed herself (apparently this outfit matched because both the shirt and the leggings had ruffles on them), and Brent's new medicine has released the inner happy baby in him! Yay God!

So first we hung out at the house, watched some Mickey Mouse while Brent napped and then we checked out a local hotspot, at least for my mommy friends and all area septuagenarians, Goodson Farms. YUMMY! They have the most delicious, ginormous strawberries, amazing Cuban sandwiches and to DIE for strawberry shortcakes.

Then I was feeling crafty so while Brent napped and Gabbi sang at the top of her lungs from her bedroom, I made some felt flowers. Super easy new headband for Gab and wreath for my door!
Oh and Brent is eating oatmeal...he's a fan. (He also likes the oatmeal ;) war eagle )

John the Baptist

2012-01-20T06:23:00.002-06:00

I had read her the story of John the Baptist before and tried to explain that this was the baby who had been in Elizabeth's tummy when Mary ran to tell her about baby Jesus in her own. Then we talked about him again when she saw a picture in her bible of Jesus' baptism. I apparently wasn't very clear. I got this from Gabbi's teacher last week:

Dear Mrs. Olsen,

I was sharing with the kids that when they go to church on Sunday, that the priest were going to talk about John the Baptist. We then reviewed that John the Bapti

st baptized Jesus in the river using the water. Our little girl said, “ I know him, John the Baptist baptized Brent!”

Priceless!

Hope this made you smile, I am still laughingJ

God Bless,

Mrs. DeDe Waldron and Mrs. Janice Garry

Olsen's, Lately...

2012-01-14T18:22:00.004-06:00

Well, part of having daddy gone is trying to stay busy. Praise the Lord for friends with kids and as awful as this sounds, for hubbies that travel too! Here's a quick glance at what we Olsen's have been doing, lately...

Sucking our thumbs on the couch...

Making a paper chain countdown for the days that Daddy's gone...

Going on a treasure hunt...

Baby B

2012-01-14T17:49:00.008-06:00

Oh Brent, you are such a gift from God. When Daddy deployed and it was just me and Gabbi, I was able to form such a special bond with her. I didn't know what this TDY would be like with you being so young. But can I just tell you that you're amazing? I mean, yes you scream. Sometimes so much I want to cry. And yes you make most of my clothes smell like sour milk. But, your smile pierces my soul. A friend said to me, "That just makes your blood pressure drop, doesn't it?" Amen, sister. After all the screaming, after your sister's sass, after a short nap, an early feeding, a long day or a terror of a car ride, all it takes is a Flash of that smile and I've melted. Every time you smile it makes my heart happy. And as JB says, "You smile, I smile..." Your toothless grin warms my heart and melts away my anger and frustration. Thank you for the grins, and thank you God for this sweet boy who has stolen my heart, just like his daddy did...

52 Kisses

2012-01-08T15:47:00.005-06:00

Tomorrow Bernard leaves for 52 days of training (Stateside, PTL!). For the first time ever in our relationship (dating and marriage) Bernard and I have had the luxury of spending over an entire year together (almost 17 months!). Before this, the longest amount of time was 8 months. I feel a little silly that sadness is still creeping in as we prepare for what is really a short TDY. 52 days will go by so quickly and I am blessed by family and friends who will visit and help pass the time. I have a few projects to work on here at home and I have a nice little group of neighbors and Christian, mommy girlfriends here to help support me if I start to struggle at all.

Preparing for this made me realize just how far Bernard and I have come in our "Army Journey." I was able to turn to so many girl friends across the country for help and suggestions as to how to cope with the initial departure. One of the best ideas we got was a jar filled with the same number of kisses as the days Daddy will be gone. Every night, Gabbi will get one kiss from Daddy before bedtime. We also learned from our last (MONSTER) deployment how helpful a video is for the kids. So, we'll make a recording of Daddy reading a favorite book, of Daddy saying bedtime prayers and maybe one more special video that we can watch at nighttime or whenever we're having a tough day.

I remember in NC when we were preparing for B's 15 month deployment. One of my dear friends- who also had a young baby- came over and spent the afternoon with me just wrapping dishes and taping boxes. That simple action meant so much to me and it made me feel like I wasn't in this alone. We are blessed to have friends in so many states that we can visit whenever and who call when they come to FL. But even more than that, and even if our paths don't cross again, we are blessed with friends who understand. Friends who know what to say. Friends who just listen when I need a shoulder to cry on. Friends who tell me to buck up when I'm throwing a pity party. Friends who have said the goodbyes, dealt with the unreliability of the military, the tears of the kids and the tantrums that will follow. Friends that know sometimes it's just time for them to leave and that sometimes the welcome back is just as hard as the seeing off. We are blessed to have struggled in our marriage because it has made us so much stronger, it has forced us to turn to the Lord and it has taught us what we can fight through.

Military life isn't easy, and no one said it was. But in the grand scheme of things, I am so thankful for this 52 days. Thankful that he'll be safe. That I will have a number to call and reach him at or just leave him a message. Thankful for the words of advice and encouragement, for the visits and the calls, and thankful that after a jar full of kisses, Daddy will be home again.

Morning Glory Muffins

2011-12-11T17:54:00.004-06:00

I always loved coming home from school to these as a snack. They make your whole house smell good and they're so yummy your kids won't even know how good they are for you!

Ingredients

* 2 cups flour
* 1 cup sugar
* 2 teaspoons baking soda
* 2 teaspoons ground cinnamon
* 1/4 teaspoon salt
* 2 cups shredded carrots
* 1/2 cup raisins
* 1/2 cup chopped walnuts/pecans
* 1/2 cup unsweetened flaked coconut
* 1 apple - peeled, cored and shredded
* 3 eggs
* 1/2 cup vegetable oil
* 1/2 cup applesauce
* 2 teaspoons vanilla extract

Directions

I've never been very good at following all the directions in baking, so I just put all the ingredients in my mixer, mix until just blended (will be very thick and chunky) and then spoon into greased muffin tin or line with paper muffin liners.

Bake at 350 degrees for about 20-25 minutes, until a toothpick inserted into center of a muffin comes out clean. Makes approx 12 muffins.

Crafting

2011-11-28T11:16:00.009-06:00

So I always thought I'd be a super crafty mommy- not so much. I always see super cute ideas, but my patience with a 3 year old is apparently lacking. Nonetheless, here are a few crafts we've done this holiday season and one from a while ago that I was just telling a friend about. Maybe this will inspire me to be better at this! Gabbi loves loves loves crafts and its a fun activity to do with friends on a playdate :)

We took some cardboard pieces left over from daddy's new dress shirts and new baby sheets and cut them into the shape of ornaments. You can attach scrap ribbon or use pipe cleaners to hang. The background of the feather ornament is actually a napkin from Ikea and the tree on the other one is made from scraps of foam pieces.

This looks a little more like a Muppet than a snowman, but it's kinda cute with their movie just coming out! Just three craft "pompoms" and a pipe cleaner cut in thirds. (Glue guns are the best thing ever, btw)

Classic pipe cleaner candy cane. We'll do more of these and put them on our tree.

This one we did a few Valentine's ago when daddy was deployed, but you could do it for any holiday. We sent him one along with all the grandparents. Big hit! Some even kept it out or on their fridge till Christmas and then added it to their tree! I sent with this note:

Since I cannot touch your face
mommy took my hands to trace.
I send to you with lots of love
a true-to-size Valentine’s hug.

This is my favorite. I save all the magnets I get in the mail from pizza places, realtors, etc and then we cover them and make our own! Here are a few:

O'er the land of the free, and the home of the Brave

2011-11-23T12:11:00.006-06:00

Last night was the most fun I’ve had in a long time! On Monday, Bernard was asked if he would stand up at the Tampa Bay Lightning game to represent his shop from SOCOM due to his recent deployment. He never agrees to anything like this and really hates the extra recognition that comes along with it. But he agreed to do it because we have wanted to go to a hockey game and he knew it would be fun for the family. On Tuesday morning he found out that the tickets we were being given were for CLUB LEVEL seats! That meant all you can eat and all you can drink. We knew it would be a handful with the kids but we were so excited to go.

The place was amazing! It was literally an entire level of open bar and food stations! You walked in (after showing your tickets to several different people and getting a special black light stamp that Gabbi thought was magic) and there was a station of hummus and bruschetta. As you continued, there were 2 bars, a Cuban station, a steamed seafood station with shrimp, mussels, clams and even fresh sushi, there was pasta, flatbreads, carved roast beef, turkey, sweet potatoes, mashed potatoes, chicken wings, gator bits, chicken kabobs, soups and salads, a popcorn/peanuts/chips bar and a SUPER yummy dessert bar with chocolate cake, fresh baked cookies, cheesecake, milkshakes, a yogurt machine with toppings, homemade fudge, and a huge cooler with every ice-cream candy bar you could imagine! Gabbi’s dinner consisted of 3 jumbo shrimp, a bite of soup, some Terra chips, peanuts, yogurt with jellybeans, sprinkles and cherries, a milkshake, fudge and a cookie  special occasion! Bernard and I joke that we’ll never be able to take her to the game if it’s not club level! “Where are the shrimp and milkshakes, mommy?”

We had a few minutes to talk around and take everything in before the game and then Bernard made his way down to the ice. Brent sat on my lap and watched the ice without a peep! He lasted about 30-45 minutes like that, then he started to fuss so he took his paci and fell asleep (he slept through the bull horn, the cheering after we scored, the “thunder” and the entire first period!) Gabbi loved seeing the mascot and watching him dance to the music. Everyone in our section got a kick out of watching her dance to the music.

Just before the national anthem, they took Bernard and 4 high school color guard kids onto the ice. After Oh Canada was performed, they announced Bernard to the crowd and put his picture on the jumbotron! (“Look mommy!! Daddy’s on TV!”) The performance of the anthem was beautiful; the music is played but the crowd sings as the words are put on the screen and a huge American flag is passed over an entire section. The coolest moment was when the camera went back to Bernard as he stood saluting and the lyrics “O’er the land of the free, and the home of the brave” were posted. I was so incredibly proud of him.

For the rest of the game, he was stopped and thanked. People wanted to shake his hand and meet him. Little kids waved to him and we were even asked if someone could take a picture of him and (sleeping) Brent! I felt so special to be standing beside this man and it was so amazing for Gabbi to see her daddy do this. We asked someone to take this picture of us before we left. After she snapped the photo, she shook Bernard’s hand and said, “We’re Canadian, and we’re proud of you too!” Thank you Lord for this amazing man, this amazing opportunity and this amazing memory!

Searching for a "pew" good men...or even just One

2011-11-20T20:31:00.002-06:00

I have really been struggling with whether or not to write this post. But it’s my blog and if it’s weighing on my heart this much, it must need to be written. That being said, this is NOT a passive aggressive attempt to right some wrong; it’s more of a way to write my way through this trial and hear where the Lord wants me to take it from here.

When I found out I was moving to Florida, one of the biggest concerns to me was finding a new church. I grew up at St Philip in Franklin and couldn’t love a church more. I knew that left big shoes to fill and I have tried my best to not compare parishes. My dear friends Holly and Lindsey have a sister who used to live in Brandon and Nativity Catholic Church came highly recommended to us, especially since we had a young child. Within a month of attending Nativity, we had joined the parish and I began singing with the small, close-knit choir at the family mass. Bernard and I loved seeing the same faces every week in the congregation and regularly attended coffee and donuts afterwards in hopes of meeting our church family. We began participating in church events: a family run, Novemberfest, dinners at church, weekly mass, and we decided (after much prayer and budgeting) to send Gabbi to Nativity Catholic School. However, as much as we’ve tried to integrate ourselves into our new church, we still feel like outsiders.

Aside from the three families we have met through the choir, we still know almost no one at this church. I have never had someone approach me after mass to welcome us to the parish or ask if we were new. I did get a phone call welcoming us a few months after we joined, but had no face to match to the caller. I have introduced myself and smiled my way into more conversations than I can count with the familiar faces we see every week, yet no one has returned the gesture.

We absolutely love Gabbi’s school. Her teachers are amazing, the safety and structure of the program is wonderful and we have seen such growth in Gabbi since her start there in August. But Bernard and I are let down. Trying hard to not feel discouraged. It feels like high school. Like a clique. Our church is so well established and so large that there is a very clear lack of communication and welcoming to the new members. Every time we feel like we take one step forward, we’re thrown three steps back. I won’t state specific examples because my intent is not to call anyone out, but I just feel so defeated.

Here is my struggle. I know nothing will change by just complaining. I will never forget something I heard as a young kid in response to someone saying they left the church because of “hypocritical people”: “there’s always room for one more.” So even though I’m still the “newbie” and I feel like I know nothing and like I couldn’t possibly make a difference; even though I feel like I don’t have the time or the resources; even though I’m terrified and frustrated; is it my place to make the changes that I wish to see in my church? Is this struggle and trial a way for God to call me out and try to show me where He wants me? I just don’t know what my next move is supposed to be, but I don’t know how I can possibly stand still any longer…Lord just give me the strength, the foresight and the guidance to work through this test.

Welcome to the Family, Son!

2011-11-09T18:58:00.004-06:00

This past Sunday, Brent was baptized. At our new parish there aren’t individual baptisms; instead they are held after family mass on Sundays and are for up to 6 babies. For Brent’s baptism, there were only two others, a little boy named Joshua and a little girl names Alexandra. Our friends Merry and Anthony and their son Blake were in town visiting from TN and since Brent’s godparents (Lauren and Jacob) both live out of town; they were willing to stand in for us as Christian Witnesses. Bernard’s parents John and Cindy drove up from Deltona (near Orlando) and my Aunt Joan came from Lutz (Tampa). It was definitely a much smaller affair than Gabbi’s baptism, but the Friday before, it was becoming more and more evident that God’s hand was (of course) in all of this.

Friday we went to a dinner at our church. While I was up getting some food, our new priest, Father Carlos, came up to Bernard and asked when Brent was getting baptized. When Bernard told him Sunday, Father told him that he was doing the baptism. In itself, this was a blessing. We have 3 priests at our parish: one that is semi-retired; the head priest, who I don’t particularly care for; and Father Carlos, our new dynamic, charismatic, youthful and passionate priest. We were ecstatic! He sat with us for about 30 minutes and held Brent. He talked to him and joked, “Sunday is a big day; if you are not ready, we won’t do this yet. You have two things to think about, you are joining our family. You are joining MY family. You have a biological father and I will be your spiritual father! We cannot wait to welcome you into our family!”

On Sunday, we were asked to stand outside the chapel to begin the baptism (parents, godparents and baby). We were asked all the traditional questions about who do we present to the church, what do we ask of the church, and do we all promise to love and assist this child as he grows in his life and his faith. When we had all answered, Father Carlos turned to the family and friends gathered in the chapel and asked them to welcome these children into their church. We walked in to a round of applause and smiling faces. We heard the reading and then Father Carlos started his Homily. Easily one of the best I have ever heard, and I am so excited to share it with you (paraphrased).

***

“Today I’m going to share with you one of the most amazing things I ever learned. Today I’m going to explain to you the mystery of the Trinity. I can best explain this mystery by showing you. Let’s see…I need a father and a son (he looks at the family and friends gathered and chooses a godfather and his biological son, roughly 9 years old). Ok, you two come over here and look at each other in the eye. Son, do you love your father? (The little boy nods) Father, do you love your son? (He nods too.) Son, would you do anything for your father? (Son nods) Father, would you do anything to show your love to your son? (Father nods.) Well God the father feels the same way. Not only for his Son Jesus, but for each of us too. He loved Jesus so much that he literally poured himself into Him. He breathed the Spirit into Him so that He was a living part of Him. (He looks at the father and the son) How could you best express your love for each other right now? (They stare) I’ll let you think on that… (Father Carlos returns to the alter and leaves the father and son looking at each other. Eventually they give an awkward little hug) Ok! Very good! Now let’s try that again like you mean it! (The father laughs, a little uncomfortable at this public display of affection, but grabs his sons head, pulls him in for a hug and smacks his back a few times. The son giggles, but his arms remain at his side.) Hold that embrace…put both arms around each other. Rest your head on his chest, son. Father, close your eyes. Son, close your eyes. And just stay like that for a moment. (Father turns to us.) This is what the father longs for. This is what the son needs. When the father exhales, the son inhales. They are sharing one breath. They are sharing the breath, the Spirit of love. This is the trinity. This is the mystery. The deep love that exists between the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Let me weasel in here… (He slips his head between their arms) and this is you. This is where you belong and this is where we are bringing your children today. (He slips back out and slowly scoots the father and the son, still embracing, until they are surrounding the baptismal font.) Today this is what we are sharing with your children. The love of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit. Amen.”

***
(insert tears here)

Man in the Mirror

2011-10-31T07:08:00.002-05:00

Mirror mirror on the wall…this isn’t about a fairy tale princess, or a mean old witch. Just about my little princess and me (hoping that similarities are being drawn to the latter). When I first became a mommy, there were so many things that I intentionally wanted to teach my daughter. There were even things that I wanted to make sure she didn’t learn- prejudice, ignorance, intolerance. But as I’ve taken a few strides down the journey of motherhood, I’m amazed at the things she learned when I thought she wasn’t watching.

When Gabbi was two, she didn’t talk a ton. The words she did say had to be translated and we even talked about the possibility of putting her into a speech therapy program. To say she worked things out is an understatement- she does a great job now of communicating her needs, wants, and thoughts, although she can sing you the day’s events if you prefer. Anyway, when she was two, I was shocked to hear her yell, “Damnit!” after a book fell. I’m talking in context people, not just repetition. Tonight, when she was supposed to be in bed, Bernard heard her look out the window and say, “What the hell?” Needless to say these are NOT some of the things I’m proud that she’s picked up.

I firmly believe that if you want a good look at yourself, look at your children. I’ve learned a lot about myself and I’ve realized the things that I apparently say a lot. Gabbi’s top five phrases she uses when she’s talking with her imaginary friends/sister/or baby: 1. “Listen to me!”/ “Look at me…” 2. “Say yes ma’am.” 3. “Just be a good listener, ok?” 4. “Really?!” and 5. “Stop being rude.”
Awesome. I also learned that when I’m frustrated I apparently lift my hands and go, “Augh!” Because Gabbi now does the same. On the flip side, she’s fabulous at describing her emotions! “Mom, that just makes me frustrated!” “Augh! I’m so mad!” And while the verbal learned lessons are obvious, it’s the less easily communicated ones that I’m happy she picked up on.

When we sit down to eat, she blesses herself and says, “AMEN!” If she hears that someone is sick (or if we pass a dead animal on the side of the road) she says, “I wanna pray for them.” When her brother is crying she’ll go over and “pet” him. She readily apologizes when she accidentally steps on/hits/shuts in the door Ali (our dog).

I have to watch how I explain certain situations, because she’s like a little sponge and her brain is a steel trap. I don’t think she forgets anything I tell her, except to be obedient. So when we started passing the homeless and pan handlers on the street corners, I had to have a good explanation to her question of, “What does he need, mommy?” I tried to explain that some people don’t go to work like daddy does every day to make money, and that some of these people were hungry and asking for food. “What about my animal crackers?” she asked from the back seat holding out her snack cup. “No baby, you already ate some of those. They need new food and I don’t have any.” Well, 3 more times of passing a person on the street corner and answering, “do we have any food, mommy?” made us decide to go to the grocery store. We bought some “new food” and Gabbi decorated their snack bags. Then she added one of her favorite juice boxes to each bag and a napkin (she tried to add cloth napkins at first! “I can’t get these in here!”)

We put the bags in my car and this Sunday on the way to church, Gabbi was on the lookout for someone to bless. She first suggested we give it to a teenager simply trying to cross the road! Then when we got off the interstate, there was a man with a sign asking for food. She was so excited! “We have food, mommy! Let’s give it to him!” and we did. As much as I try to teach her (and as much as she’s caught onto!) I am so honored to learn from her every day.

Thank you Lord for this sweet child, who wears her heart on her sleeve and who loves so deeply and so wide. Help me to learn to be more childlike and to love more like you.

And to watch my mouth!

Brenton Benjamin

2011-10-24T12:34:00.005-05:00

So since my last post, my beautiful family of three has grown to a fabulous family of four! Brenton Benjamin made his debut September 18 at 1:20am. He weighed in at 7lbs 1oz (pretty big for only 36 wks!) On the 17th, I had a lunch "Sprinkle" with my girlfriends here in FL. It was so fun! I have been praying for over a year that the Lord would bring the right set of women into my life. It may have taken longer than I expected, but I finally have several close, godly women with beautiful children to call friends.

I feel so blessed right now. Bernard was able to be here for this entire pregnancy and Brent's birth! Three years is definitely a bigger gap between the kids than we had planned, but God really knows what He's doing. Gabbi is wonderful with Brent! She loves being a big helper and i catch her saying the sweetest things to him. When she walked into the hospital room to meet him, she was yelling, "I love you Brent!" from the door before she had ever laid eyes on him. Before she left, she looked at me and said, "Brent smells like candy!" If he starts crying she'll drop what she's doing and go over to him, "Shh, Shh, Shh..it's ok buddy, I'm right here!" and when we're driving in the car, she helps hold his paci in his mouth, since he hasn't figured that one out yet. Today we went to Toys R Us so Gabbi could shop with some gift cards from her birthday; she kept picking things out for Brent :)

The transition from one child to two has been so much more smooth and wonderful than I could have even imagined.I'm sure there will be days (even years!) when it seems more exhausting, but I feel so blessed and so incredibly happy.

Thank you Lord for this family, for the friends you have placed in my life, and for the love I have been able to witness growing in my daughter's heart.

Crazy Catch-Up

2011-09-04T22:37:00.004-05:00

Good grief! Has it really been over a year since I last sat down to blog? I mean, a LOT has happened in the last year, but that's just pure lazy! My sweet friend Lindsey brought to my attention that I needed to pick up the pace, so here I go :)

We moved into our new home in Riverview, FL last July and Bernard came home to join us mid-August. I would be lying if I said it wasn't an adjustment to have him back. Don't get me wrong, I am THRILLED to have a husband again, and seeing him with Gabbi is even more amazing than chocolate ice cream. Not to mention someone else is here to do all the scary things for me- like kill spiders, check out the mysterious noises and encourage me to flush the toilet at night (I've always had an irrational fear about someone trying to "get me" when i flush the toilet at night)- but like any military wife will tell you, after a deployment there's always a readjustment period. 15 months of just me and Gab set us in our own routine, our own inside jokes and even our own little world. So it took a little while to get used to sharing a bed, cooking for three and sharing the TV remote. But now we're adjusted and I don't ever want him to leave again.

A few weeks after his return home, I got a phone call from him that went a little like this, "Hey babe, I'm in an ambulance on the way to Tampa General...can you come meet me?" Long story short, my super athletic hubby slipped on a sweat puddle during a game of pick up basketball and hurt his knee. Since he has a ridiculous pain tolerance, he was sent home from the ER and told to ice it. After finally insisting on an MRI 6 months later, they found out he tore his ACL. He was still running 5 miles a day on it. Around this time, he underwent surgery for a routine cyst removal. Two days later we were in the ER with a high fever among other problems. The worlds worst surgeon insisted we were overreacting and things were fine; we were sent home. Two days later we were in the ER again and Bernard was admitted to the hospital for 5 days. No one could tell me what was wrong with him. Day by day he got worse and worse until he finally wouldn't speak or eat and was given Anointing of the Sick by a local priest. PRAISE THE LORD we finally were seen by an infectious disease doctor who diagnosed him with having a penicillin resistant staph infection. 6 hours later, Bernard started making a HUGE recovery and was released the next day.

We also found out around this time that we were expecting baby Olsen #2! We had been praying about expanding our family and were so thrilled when we found out we were pregnant! Again with this pregnancy, I lost about 10 lbs and had pretty awful "morning" sickness so I was sure we were having a girl. We found out, however, that we are going to be welcoming Brenton Benjamin Olsen into our family, due October 12. The morning sickness ended around 14 weeks and Bernard went back to work after 30 days of recovery from his "routine" surgery.

We found out that Bernard was supposed to deploy back to Afghanistan in October for 6 months, meaning he would miss possible the birth, Bernard's bday, Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, my birthday and Valentines day. While this made me just want to cry, I try to not get worked up over anything the army tells us...they change their mind all the time. Sure enough, the deployment has been canceled! Yay God! Bernard was sent to a follow up MRI appointment for his knee where the orthopedic surgeon discovered that now his ACL was completely detached and deteriorated and his meniscus was torn. So Bernard was scheduled for total knee reconstruction in which the doctors would harvest muscle from his hamstring to make a new ACL along and then go in to place it. This was another 30 days off of work. (6 months until he could return to sports and running and 9-12 months to a full recovery) While the timing has felt "bad" for the surgeries, I told B that it has been such a blessing to Gabbi and I to have this time with him before Brent is born. Special time with just him before life gets a little crazier, again :)

There are days when I feel totally overwhelmed with Gabbi and the dog and even with helping take care of Bernard and keep up with the house. But you know what? This is what I wanted. I always prayed for a family, for kids, for time with my husband. This is one of those answered prayers that may not come in the form I expected, but I am making it a point every day to be thankful for my blessings, for the craziness, and for the opportunity to watch it expand...

"This is the stuff that drives me crazy
This is the stuff that's getting to me lately
In the middle of my little mess
I forget how big I'm blessed
This is the stuff that gets under my skin
But I gotta trust You know exactly what You're doing
It might not be what I would choose
But this is the stuff You use"

Blessed for a Lifetime

2010-06-29T21:52:00.004-05:00

I am sitting here with tears streaming down my face. Sad tears, happy tears, tears of change and tears of growth.

How blessed have I been these last 13 months. God is so good in so many ways. I moved to TN not having thought through what it would be like to move back in with my parents at 25 (with a baby and a dog) when we were all at such new and different phases in our lives. I didn't think through what it would feel like to have no friends in my home town. But I also didn't think I could have possibly loved my stay so much.

God has introduced me to the most wonderful, inspirational, positive, fun and fabulous women. Women who are supportive, and strong, and holy, and memorable beyond belief. I have honestly never met so many women like this. Women in love with their husbands and our Lord; women who make having 1, 2, 3, even 4 children look easy; women who are devoted and yet can share their time so generously with all.

I have learned so much in the past 13 months. I have learned what it means to be a strong woman. Three generations of women live under this roof and we each have grown so much. I've never felt closer to my mother or my daughter. I am encouraged by the faith and love I've seen in my friends. I am terrified of leaving and moving forward but so excited by all that lies ahead.

Thank you each for the role you have played in my life within these last 13 months. I am grateful, I am humbled and I am hopeful. I will miss you each dearly and think of you always.

Reason, Season, or Lifetime

People come into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
When you figure out which one it is,
you will know what to do for each person.

When someone is in your life for a REASON,
it is usually to meet a need you have expressed.
They have come to assist you through a difficulty;
to provide you with guidance and support;
to aid you physically, emotionally or spiritually.
They may seem like a godsend, and they are.
They are there for the reason you need them to be.

Then, without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time,
this person will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end.
Sometimes they die. Sometimes they walk away.
Sometimes they act up and force you to take a stand.
What we must realize is that our need has been met, our desire fulfilled; their work is done.
The prayer you sent up has been answered and now it is time to move on.

Some people come into your life for a SEASON,
because your turn has come to share, grow or learn.
They bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh.
They may teach you something you have never done.
They usually give you an unbelievable amount of joy.
Believe it. It is real. But only for a season.

LIFETIME relationships teach you lifetime lessons;
things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation.
Your job is to accept the lesson, love the person,
and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.
It is said that love is blind but friendship is clairvoyant.

— Unknown

Pressure

2010-04-18T22:02:00.006-05:00

I have a friend named Dave Mason. He and I know each other from CHWC and one summer he gave a really awesome talk where he used the song " under Pressure" to reach the kids. I remember him blaring the music in the middle of the talk and it feeling almost freeing to scream about pressure, even if the screaming was in my head. There has been so much happening recently that makes me feel like this. "Pressure, pushing down on me..." It's almost not even worth blogging about!

That being said, this week is a HUGE week for Bernard and I. (NO we are NOT expecting!) This week I head down to Tampa to try and find a house that will become our home...our first house that we'll buy! It's SO incredible exciting for us, but bittersweet as well. I wish Bernard were here to do this with me...you know like a normal married couple. And it's bittersweet to be leaving Franklin. OF COURSE I am more than thrilled to have my husband back- it's been almost a YEAR since we've lived together- but I love Franklin. It was so strange to move back to my hometown and have to try and meet new friends. I found a journal entry from September where I was just bummed about feeling so alone here. It's amazing how quickly things change! I have made such great friends here and for the first time since High School, I've made really great Catholic friends (this is not to say I didnt have great Catholic friends in College, but we were so outnumbered at Auburn!!).

I left Ft Bragg wtih a group of girlfriends that I knew I could call at anytime and they could understand what it was like to be in a deployment. To go through a PCS, a re-enlistment, etc. Now I'm leaving Franklin with a group of girls I can call for advice and know we're coming from the same place. What will I find in Tampa?

Bernard was due home in August (once they extended the deployment to 15 months). We've now been told he's coming home in JUNE...do you know how hard it is to not hold fast to that date like its GOLD?! So the plan is for me to find a house in Tampa and then Bernard will move Gabbi and I in (late June or early July), and then he'll join us there in August once he can report to MacDill AFB.

We're looking to buy in the Brandon/Valrico/Riverview area...I'm so excited to go down and see the cities and get a feel for which one is the best fit for us. We've looked at hundreds of homes online and I have a good feel for what we're looking for and what we're avoiding. USAA has provided us with a great Agent that I'm very excited to be working with, and a long-time friend's father has hooked us up with a great lending agent that's shooting us straight. It's hard to doubt God's hand in everything when I think about how He's provided in the past and how things always fall into place for us. Nonetheless, I OF COURSE feel some PRESSURE going down this week to make such a HUGE decision!

Keep us in your prayers as we prepare for lots of changes, reunions, and challenges ahead! Proverbs 3:5

Called to Serve

2010-02-17T19:53:00.003-06:00

My life is so easy. I am so blessed. I don't know what took me so long to come to this realization. I've seen those without. I've seen those crushed and lost to depression. I've seen lonely. I've been to each of those places, and yet, I'm still here. And complaining! How dare I! I am loved. I am beyond blessed. I have a husband that I'm crazy about and who treats me like a queen. I have a daughter that I adore and who brightens up my life. I have a family that said, "Yes" when I asked if I could move back home during deployments- first pregnant, and then with an infant AND a dog. I have shoes on my feet. I have clothes on my back- more clothes than I need. I have delicious food in my belly. And yet I allow myself pity parties.

Why are priorities so difficult? Tonight was my wake up call. I sit here with tears in my eyes after reading some of the most emotional and heartwrenching words. Katie, though I've never met her, is my hero. http://amazima.org/blog.html What an amazing and strong woman she is. When I first heard of her, I thought we had something in common. In reality, we visited the same continent. But she stayed. Her every breath is an answer to God's call to her. My every breath is not.

Volunteering, serving, giving- this cannot simply be a phase in my life that ended after college. I am still called to serve.

Ash Wednesday- There are No Words....Seriously

2010-02-17T09:59:00.002-06:00

Ash Wednesday is today. Usually we would be at church, but a sick baby and in my current state (I’ll explain in a bit), we won’t be going today. I was talking to Bernard the other day and he asked me what I was giving up for lent. I told him I didn’t know. In all honesty, I hadn’t even THOUGHT about it. How awful is that? This is such an important time in our faith; especially when I’m feeling like I need a boost or renewal of faith. I expressed to both Bernard and my mom that what I really wanted to do what find a way to not let the little things feel like big things. I mean to an outsider looking in, the dog walking in front of me and Gabbi pulling out her pony tail are not a big deal. But for some reason when it’s just me here and especially recently, I can’t seem to convince myself that it’s not the end of the world. I get so frustrated. I find myself raising my voice and sounding like one of “those moms” I swore I’d never be. How can I possibly fix this problem?

Then I lost my voice. Is this a sign from God? Is this what you want me working on Lord? Being a godly woman and mother in all ways, even in my speech and temperament? Ok. I get it. Clear enough. Day one. Let’s see how it goes.

“As the beginning of Lent, Ash Wednesday calls us to the conversion journey that marks the season.” http://www.americancatholic.org/newsletters/cu/ac0204.asp

Five Things

2010-02-07T21:15:00.002-06:00

I’m not big into New Year’s resolutions. For one, they seem like fads to me, and secondly, it’s way too much pressure to pick a good one within the timeframe. So I’ve been thinking and praying and I’ve come up with FIVE things that I want to dedicate myself to- not fads, not short-term goals, but things that I want to really incorporate into my life.

1.Take a chill pill: this could also be entitled, “stop being a worry wart”, “become less high strung”, “breathe”, or “become more laid back.” I don’t know why but I struggle with overanalyzing, constant thinking, pointless worry, and even over protection. I think part of it is that Bernard isn’t here to sort of balance me out like he does so well, but I think the other part of me will just always struggle with this. I hate Gabbi to see me so stressed out, and I do get so stressed out. I have a short fuse; I hate it when things don’t go as I planned, when people are late, when I forget things. My hope is that I take the time to offer these stresses and triggers over to God “Let go and let God” sounds so easy, but it’s always been a challenge for me.

2.Step out of my comfort zone: this means everything from going to the gym, agreeing to go alone to a get together, opening up to new friends, maybe even taking Gabbi to a nursing home. I’m such a homebody; I love entertaining and I love people, but especially without Bernard here I find myself making excuses to stay home. Nursing homes have been a challenge to me since the passing of my grandmother during the spring break of my senior year. I have the greatest memories of my parents taking my brother and I to serve; work weekend projects like Habitat, participate in the Christmas Basket program at church, serve at a soup kitchen- these are the memories I want Gabbi to have too. To understand that her world is bigger than just us, and that God calls us to love and serve, outside the comfort of our own home.

3.Make time for myself: as selfish as it may sound and as hard as it may be, I think it’s time for me to take time away from Gabbi several times a month. For the sake of my own mental health, and also to expose her to new things, I need to get a sitter, or a mom’s day out program, or go to dinner with a friend, or go shopping alone. Heck, at this rate, I’d be excited to go to the bathroom alone. I love my daughter so much, but right now she is my WHOLE world. It’s not healthy for either of us, and I want to be the best mother and wife I can be. This means making time for myself and once B is back, taking time for just him. He and I have to be the center of our marriage, not Gabbi.

4.Pray more often: I love spending time in prayer, reading the bible, journaling to God, sharing with others, but I can’t tell you the last time I really took time to do this. Even mass sometimes gets overshadowed by hushing Gabbi or worrying about her in the nursery. Taking time alone with God will enable me to be the better mother and wife I desire to be and to help me in distressing, stepping out of my comfort zone and being at peace with me time.

5.Stop judging: this is a sin I am so guilty of recently. In attempt to talk things out and get them off my chest, I find myself gossiping, judging and being unfair. I am even judging myself in unfair ways: comparing myself to other moms, doubting my abilities, and putting myself down. I want to be better at accepting people where they are, not where I want them to be. this means imperfect, broken, rude, lost, needy or even overbearing- I am called to love them all for exactly who they are.

I really want my life to reflect these changes; that may require constant adjusting, making mistakes, falling off the path, and some true accountability partners. If you see me straying from these goals, please help set me straight. And keep me in your prayers, you'll be in mine.

Valentine's Present

2010-02-04T14:15:00.003-06:00

We have a lot of family, including Daddy, that is far away this Valentine's Day. I took a craft idea I saw in a magazine and traced Gabbi's hands. I cut them out, wrote her name and age on one and "I love you THIS MUCH" on the other. Then I measured her arm length and cut a string that long, taping one handprint on each end. In an envelope, I sent a pic of Gab and on a card I wrote this little phrase for a sweet and personal Valentine:

Since I cannot touch your face
mommy took my hands to trace.
I send to you with lots of love
a true-to-size Valentine’s hug.

Today is a Hard Day

2010-01-28T23:37:00.000-06:00

There is nothing good about a deployment. You might hear people talk about perks, freedom, independence…these are coping mechanisms. There is nothing natural about being separated from your other half for 15 months at a time. Eight months into our SECOND deployment, I expected to be a pro at coping mechanisms and balances. The truth of the matter is that today is a hard day. This week is a rough week. I guess I’m entitled to them. And it’s not like I don’t have anything going for me or anything good and great happening here because I do. I live in Franklin for crying out loud. It’s beautiful here. The people are wonderful. I live with my parents who are supportive and helpful and understanding and patient. But there are times when all the good just can’t overshadow the bad, the tough, the depressing, the facts.

Tonight some of my new friends from church had a birthday party for me. SO sweet…what a blessing. But I found myself overly emotional at the party. One lady asked me about Bernard, and bless her heart I had to excuse myself to the bathroom because tears flooded my eyes. Being without Bernard is so hard. Period. I feel naked. I literally feel like a huge part of me is missing-- and then combine that with not having the comfort blanket named Gabbi with me and I feel like I’m a walking exposed wound. I find myself nervous to go to Mom's Groups, to the YMCA, anywhere outside my home feels so outside my comfort zone these days. I used to feel intelligent when I spoke with others, I used to feel as though I were in a place in my faith journey that was good and productive and worthwhile.

Tonight I just felt purposeless. I felt like every woman in that party had her life so much more pulled together than I do. I felt like they manage to have more children and somehow more time. That they’re holier, happier, more well spoken and all around more stable than I am. I’m afraid to get close to them, to really open up. Because I’ll just move away again. I’ve said in the past that it’s hard to make friends in a military town because they already have their friends; they know another move is just around the corner, and they don’t need the hassle of making new friends. I don’t want to be that army wife. Yet I can’t imagine letting myself be in such a vulnerable, emotional situation.

I so badly look forward to when Bernard and I can have a normal life together. A life that involves him coming home every night, being around every weekend. Going to events, parties, and church as a family. I look forward to growing up and growing old with him. Having more babies and watching Gabbi with her siblings. I want to settle down somewhere, buy a home, paint the walls, plant a garden and get to know families in the area. It’s so much harder doing the everyday tasks without him here. I want to be able to pick up the phone and call him. As much as he hates it, I want to roll over and talk to him about what’s on my mind at bedtime. I want to cook meals for him. I want to have our own place. I want to watch him with Gabbi.

Emily said to me tonight that each day means less time away and we’re now closer to the end than we were the beginning of this thing. And I haven’t lost hope; I don’t want it to sound like I have. It’s just that today is a hard day. And this week is a tough week. But it will get better, and it will get shorter, and it will get closer and pretty soon he’ll be back…

Christmas 2009

2010-01-27T23:35:00.000-06:00

If I had to spend a Christmas without my best friend/husband/baby-daddy, I have to say that this Christmas was the best it could’ve been. After convincing my dad that driving 10 hrs with a baby is NOT fun, we all booked a flight for MI. I haven’t been “home” to Michigan in at least 4 years for Christmas, I had been last summer when I was pregnant for a family vacation and again before Gabbi’s birthday in August of this year, but the last Christmas in Mi was the Christmas after I met Bernard.

Growing up, we went to MI every other year. Christmas Eve is celebrated with my dad’s 6 brothers and sisters, parents, grandmother and aunts. Christmas day is celebrated with my mom’s 6 brothers and sisters, parents and my Auntie Maggie. I have some of the most wonderful memories of white, Michigan Christmases: driving home on Christmas Eve staring at the sky looking for Rudolph’s nose; writing a letter begging Santa to wake me up and take me on a sleigh ride just this once and promising not to tell anyone; sorting presents; sledding with everyone down HUGE powdered hills; waking up to Amy Grant’s Christmas album; and playing with all my cousins. I was so excited to be back in MI and let Gabbi experience some of this same excitement and magic that Christmases in MI hold in my heart.

This Christmas was so special, we were able to spend some quality time with several of my aunts and uncles as well as some crazy fun with the whole bunch. Gabbi was spoiled and she loved spending her afternoons and evenings at Ma and Poppop’s where we stayed during our trip. The night before we left, Ma pulled me aside, hugged me and said, “Thank you for coming up here. This Christmas was so special. I know you won’t be back for another because you have your own family now, but we’re so thankful to have spent this one with you.” Her comment made me sad and I wanted to deny what she said, but it’s true. There’s a lot of family now to please, but there’s a new family too that deserves its own traditions, celebrations and magical memories. That’s my family. My very own family and I cannot wait to see what next Christmas holds for us.

Catching Up

2010-01-13T23:01:00.000-06:00

I have been so bad about blogging. And whether or not anyone reads these, it makes me feel better, fresher, almost when I take the time to write. So there are several things I’ve been wanting to write about that I’m REALLY late on, but I’m going to start tonight with Bernard’s R&R.

I think I just never let myself really believe that he was coming home until it happened. I remember doing a Tupperware party two nights before he was due in and getting sidetracked at the thought that in 48 hrs my husband would be back by my side. Once B left the Middle East, there wouldn’t be an opportunity to hear from him until he was a flight or two away and already in the states. I woke up on Thursday morning expecting a call around 7:30 telling me he’d be in Nashville around noon. Instead the call really came, but with better news. Bernard was put on an earlier flight and would be in Nashville by 10am! I had tried to leave things undone to distract myself with a to-do list Thursday morning and now there was no time…I headed to the airport with unpainted toenails and a very excited heart.

When I got to the airport, my mom dropped me off at the counter and parked with Gabbi. I started to explain my situation to the lady assisting the Delta line, and she quickly ushered me to the front of the line to get a pass to meet Bernard at his gate. Only 15 minutes later, he was walking toward me. Ten minutes later, Gabbi was in his arms and my heart was melting.

R&R is exactly what we needed. It made us realize that no matter how much time passed, nothing had changed. It also made us realize that 6 months had flown by. In the next few days we had the privilege of a photo session with the AMAZING Quinn Ballard. He was such an answer to our prayers and he took the most phenomenal pictures of our beautiful family.

We had a great visit with Bernard’s family, complete with Gabbi’s first trip to the Opryland hotel, which I think is now called the Gaylord hotel or something like that. She loved it. And then the three of us, just Bernard, Gabbi and I, got to go to Fall Creek Falls for a wonderful FIRST family vacation. We fed squirrels, roasted marshmallows, played on playgrounds, collected rocks, watched The Office, cooked dinner, and built fires. It was nothing like we envisioned and so much more amazing that we could have expected.

We ended B’s trip home with some visits with friends, Blake’s b-day party, drinks with Rhys and Theresa, Emily and Walt’s engagement toast, and a very fun night of margaritas at Pancho’s.

Saying goodbye was really hard. I’m not going to lie and say that the visit made it easier. If anything it made it more frustrating to have to say goodbye again after only 18 days. But, in the same respect…what a blessing. 18 days to touch his face and watch him play with Gabbi and to hear his laugh and sleep next to him- R&R’s are the only thing that makes a deployment worthwhile.

Two months (ish) later, we are fortunate enough to Skype almost every day. Gabbi gets done with breakfast in the morning and walks into the office, points to the computer, and asks for dada. August feels far away, but it holds so much to look forward to. We appreciate all the kind words and thoughtful messages while Bernard was home and after he left. We ask for everyone’s continued prayers for safety and for an early return home. Genesis 31:49 SHMILY

Be not Afraid?

2009-10-20T22:55:00.000-05:00

I’ve been so bad recently at finding time for prayer. I can blame it on being busy, or being lazy; but I think my real reason is fear. I feel like if I just keep moving and don’t stop to think, maybe my emotions won’t catch up with me. Bernard being deployed is so scary. It’s scary because there’s so much I don’t know- so much he can’t tell me. It’s scary because the news never reports anything good. It’s scary because I have no control over this situation. I think I’m afraid that if I stop to pray, stop to let God in completely right now, I’ll feel as though I’ve lost control. The fact of the matter is, I cannot fathom anything happening to Bernard. And I worry that if I really am at peace with this deployment mess, then I’ll open myself up to the possibility of tragedy. I can’t imagine life without him. I really don’t know how I could function. When he’s not here, I just put certain parts of my life on hold, on pause until he comes back. I can’t imagine that day not coming.

I try not to worry and I don’t want to fear, but this is such unchartered waters for me, I don’t know how to approach this. I want god to be in control, to know my heart and occupy every inch of it, but I’m so afraid. I just need Bernard in my life and part of me feels almost like we still haven’t gotten that chance! Long distance and constant deployments, it’s hard to not desire a “normal” life and marriage. But I love him with all that I am and I am so unbelievably proud of the man he is. I’m grateful for his presence in my life, no matter what the distance between us is. And I can’t help but see clearly God’s hand in our entire story. Our meeting, our dating, our marriage, and our daily walk.

God, help me open my heart to you, trust in you, and to not be fearful but confident of this deployment and your presence in it. And Genesis 31:49, Bernard. SHMILY

Mark 2: Faith That Carries You

2009-10-01T22:41:00.000-05:00

Mark 2. It’s a story in the bible that I’ve grown very attached to. I’ve spoken on it several times, but I first learned about it from a friend at a very impressionable time in high school. Mark 2 is the story of Jesus healing the paralytic. I’m sure you’ve heard it before; so had I. But when this friend related it to me, the way he spoke about it really hit my heart. There was a paralytic who, for his entire life, could do nothing more than lay on a mattress. His friends, who were believers, tried to talk him into going to see Jesus, but he was too embarrassed by his condition to try. I wonder if maybe he doubted that it would help. He was hopeless. Despite his refusal, his friends CARRIED the man on his mattress to go see Jesus. When they got to where He was, there were thousands of people gathered around the house, waiting to see Him. Never discouraged, the friends carried the paralytic onto the ROOF; busted THROUGH the roof and lowered the man down to see Jesus. Here the Bible says, “When Jesus saw THEIR faith, He said, ‘Son, your sins are forgiven.’”

Because of THEIR faith? WOW. That gives me such encouragement. How many times in my life have I been grouped into inaccurate or negative stereotypes? How many times have I been assumed guilty by association because of who I hang out with or am surrounded by? “Oh, she’s just another young mom.” “Oh, she’s a military wife.” “Her husband’s not around; she can’t understand what marriage is really like.” But to be grouped in with the friends from this story? Friends who have so much faith, that I would reap the benefits? I would gladly be associated with them! I would gladly be passed off as one of them.

There are times in my life when my emotions get the best of me; when I don’t have the strength, the patience, or even the words to pray. These are the times when I need these friends the most. Friends who will spread out the prayers for me and speak the words I cannot find. These are the times I need friends who are faithful despite my pity parties and Debbie downer moments. Friends who will pick me up and break through a roof, just so I can see the face of Christ! This is the love and support that I have found in my friends and my family. I am so fortunate to be surrounded by strong women who not only pray for me, but with me too. My prayer is that I can be one of these friends, one of these women who have faith so strong they can carry a friend during a hard time, down a tough path, or even through a roof.

God is Good...

2009-09-10T20:46:00.000-05:00

God is good. All the time. I should have known; I mean He’s done this my whole life. He has a way of sneaking in and prepping my heart and my path for the plans He has in store for me. I started this blog over two months ago- feeling a strong calling to begin one, but having no idea what I was to write about. As this deployment has progressed, God has made it more and more evident to me that my place here in Franklin is no accident. I think I should back up though, and explain how I got here.
I married my husband Bernard in September of 2007. The day after our wedding, we drove to Fort Bragg NC in search of our first place to call home and his first post for duty. We were blessed with a pregnancy 3 months later and then handed a deployment 4 months into the pregnancy. I decided to move back home to Franklin, TN and in with my parents after God had spoken to my heart and led me back. Four months into his deployment, Bernard broke his ankle and was sent back to Bragg. He found us a home and moved our stuff into it during the two weeks’ notice I had given my work in TN. The night before my flight back to Fort Bragg to move back in with Bernard and pick up at Womack Army Medical Center for my labor and delivery, Baby Gabriana decided to come early and my water broke. Bernard made it to Vanderbilt Hospital only a few hours after her birth, and we took the long drive back to NC only 6 days later.
Through the good and the bad, all the changes that a baby and a return from deployment brings, we had 9 wonderful months together before Bernard was deployed again. He left on May 25 and we were told he would be back by February. Only two months into the deployment, we were informed that they were being extended by a YEAR. So we’re now looking at a 14 month deployment to Afghanistan.
In all of this, despite my seasons of change, fear, doubt, anger and even loss of faith, God has been consistant. He has provided. He has answered prayers. He has guided me. And that’s what brings me here. Back to TN, to give Gabbi an amazing opportunity to spend a year with her grandparents and to give me the support and familiarity that I missed and longed for while at Fort Bragg.
Last summer I signed up for the Wives of Faith newsletter. In the last year, I never got around to unsubscribing, as I figured being back with Bernard at Bragg, I no longer needed them. Little did I know, I needed them a lot. God brought me back to TN to meet Sara Horn. To give me an opportunity to reach out and encourage military wives around the country, and maybe even around the world. So I’ll be blogging; blogging about struggles, trials, miracles and faith. I’ll share stories, resources, jokes, and personal experiences.
I want you to know that I’m talking to you. That Wives of Faith is for you; whether you’re facing a deployment or not. That I hope to help you through whatever you’re facing right now in your journey. And that God is good. All the time.

2 Weeks Notice

2009-07-08T14:28:00.000-05:00

In the past two weeks, i cannot get over the growth and development Gabbi has been displaying! On her ten month birthday, she started crawling. As of yesterday, she now has 2 teeth coming up. A few days ago she climbed 7 steps, and today i caught her using the puppy to help her practice standing on her own. She's so brave and that is something i pray stays with her. I havent written her a letter since she was born, but there are a few things i want to say to her:

Gabbi Joy- you mean the world to me. everyday you amaze me. you're brave, you're strong and you are so happy. you have been through so many changes already in your little life. i hope you know how proud your daddy and i are of you. you not only hang in there yourself, but you help pull us through too. your daddy misses you so much...he tells me so every day. but i know you get your bravery from him. i hope you never lose your love of adventure, the thrill of exploration, the boldness of trying something new or the excitement in the little things. you make me so happy and i love you so much. you're so amazing and i couldnt be more honored to be your mommy. i love you forever

-me

Gabriana Joy

2009-06-27T08:59:00.000-05:00

I can't believe Gabbi is ten months old. it seems like just yesterday i was here in Franklin, pregnant as can be, waiting to meet the little girl that i knew would steal my heart. but here we are, again, in Franklin, TEN months later. this last month has been such a month of changes and challenges for Gab. Bernard deploying and then us moving was so much harder on her than i expected. But, like she always has, she not only survived this stormed, she THRIVED in it. She started rolling, scooting, talking (-ish), and even crawling this last month. she's waving and clapping and picking up on some of the signs i've been working on with her. I'm so proud of her and so impressed with the CHILD that she's become. i love her more than i could've imagined. When i get nostaligic like this, i like to look back at pictures, and i thought i'd share just a few of Gabriana's incredible journey so far and the pure Joy she brings to my life. Enjoy

Let's begin at the very beginning, or at least, today.

2009-06-24T20:45:00.000-05:00

So in the past few months, i've felt the need to write. as a means to get out my emotions and as a means to inform others, i just have felt the need to put pen to paper, errr kinda, and just see what comes out. i'll start tonight with just a brief recap of Bernard and my relationship. We met in college through Catholic Heart WorkCamp (http://www.heartworkcamp.com/). I was on the first half of the summer team and Bernard was on the second. We met through mutual friends, Wayne and Daisy, and did NOT immediately hit it off. i had been burned in the past and had prayed to God for no distractions that summer, specifically in the form of a boy. i just wanted to focus on the teens i was there to serve and go back to my like at Auburn. well, He had different plans. Long story short, Bernard pursued me for a month on the phone from the road and then asked my permission to come to AU and take me on a date. the day after our first date, i called my mom and told her i had found the man i was supposed to marry. Two years later after a purely long distance relationship including summers apart, a trip to Africa and 3 months of living in Italy on my part, and enlisting in the Army on Bernard's, we were engaged after basic training in Fort Leonard Wood, MO.

We were married Sept 1 2007, moved to Fort Bragg, NC 2 days later and pregnant in late December. bernard left for his first deployment in May 2008 and Gabriana Joy Olsen was born (one month early) on August 23, 2008. I couldnt dream of a better life. Bernard is the most amazing, loving and supportive husband and i am madly in love with him and Gabbi. She brings so much JOY into my life and motivates me to be a better person everyday. Bernard re-deployed May 25, 2009 and Gabbi, Ali (our boxer) and I moved back to Franklin, TN and in with my parents. We've been back now for almost a month and are all adjusting well. We each miss Bernard terribly, each in our own way, but we hold each other together. we're very fortunate to talk with him almost everyday and are able to Skype with him just as often. Gabbi is SUCH a daddy's girl (seriously, they're twins) and is delighted to hear his voice, see his pictures and to talk with him on the computer.

My prayers are for constant strength, endurance and above all, safety. My hopes for this blog are an outlet, a source of information, and if at all possible, an inspiration to someone. We're so thankful for our friends and family, for all of your prayers and for the life we are beyond blessed to live. I'll leave you tonight with the verse Bernard and I have built our life around.

"May the Lord watch over us when we are apart, one from the other..." Genesis 31:49